i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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