It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
