You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
