My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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