It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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