Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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