i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How external is "for external use only"?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
