He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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