so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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