Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
