somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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