i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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