ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
