Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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