When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
