sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
