i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
