i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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