I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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