I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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