Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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