He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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