Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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