is your mom at the bar?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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