I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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