You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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