That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
