remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
