I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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