I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
