dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
pray to the hookup gods
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
