Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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