There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
