The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
