BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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