I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
