i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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