I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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