I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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