Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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