just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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