I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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