I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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