and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
