I think I died a long time ago.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
