i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
