so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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