whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
