We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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