Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
