if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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