butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
