I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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