I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize