He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
