I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
