I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
