Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
