my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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