"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize