If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
