Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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