No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
