omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
