oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
