youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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