Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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