he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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