im six kinds of drunk right now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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