honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
