Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
