if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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