i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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