i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
