margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
