A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
