am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
