just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
