I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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