did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
