As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize