we have officially lost it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Farmville is her only friend.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize