from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
