remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
