so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
