This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
