You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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