my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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