...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
