id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
