Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
