I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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