Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
