Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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