can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So many bounce houses so little time
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
