Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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