If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
