Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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