Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
