I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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