Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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