Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
