my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
