I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
