There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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