I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
whose parrot is this?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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